When trying to get things right turns into questioning yourself
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There is nothing wrong with wanting to get things right.
We all learn that how we perform affects how we are seen.
Being capable, being respected, not getting it wrong.
These things can feel important.
So we check ourselves.
We think things through.
We try to do better.
That makes sense.
But when this goes too far, it stops being helpful.
Instead of guiding you, it starts working against you.
And the voice that says it is trying to help may begin to make you doubt yourself more.
What this tends to look like
• Second-guessing yourself after making decisions
• Focusing more on what went wrong than what went well
• Struggling to take in praise or believe it
• Feeling like others are more capable than you
• Going over things you said or did
• Finding it hard to trust your own judgement
Slow it down
Take your time. This does not need to be perfect.
What have I been criticising myself for recently?
What did the critical voice say?
Was it trying to protect me, improve me, shame me, or control me?
What part of this criticism is useful, if any?
What part is just wearing me down?
Catch it in the moment
Next time this shows up, pause and notice:
Am I being guided, or attacked?
Would I speak to someone else this way?
What am I afraid might happen if I trust myself?
Is there a kinder, more honest way to look at this?
One small shift
• Notice the tone of the inner voice, not just the words
• Separate useful feedback from self-attack
• Let one good thing count before moving on to what was wrong
• Say, “I can learn without punishing myself”
• Give yourself a moment before believing the criticism
That’s enough for now
You do not need to get rid of that voice.
Just start noticing when it is helping.
And when it is undermining you.
There is a difference between learning from yourself and turning on yourself.
