Therapy Red Flags

⚠️ Identify key warning signs of harmful therapist behaviors

Starting therapy is a big step—and it takes courage. You’re opening up your inner world to someone else and trusting them to handle it with care. But not every therapist gets it right. Some—even with good intentions—can do more harm than good.

This page is here to help you recognise the signs that something might not be okay in your therapeutic relationship. Because therapy should never leave you feeling smaller, confused, or ashamed.

🚩Recognize Therapy Red Flags

Learn to spot warning signs in therapy that affect your well-being.

Unhealthy Boundaries

When your therapist crosses personal limits that undermine trust.

Lack of Progress

Feeling ignored or disrespected with worsening symptoms despite ongoing sessions could be a sign.

Dismissive Attitude

Ignoring your feelings or concerns can hinder effective therapy.

Distracted

Frequently checking their phone or gazing out the window, indicating disengagement

🌱What Counts as a Red Flag?

Sometimes red flags are obvious. But often, they’re subtle—like a feeling in your gut that something’s off. Here are some of the more common signs to look out for:

1. Gaslighting or Invalidating Your Experience

You might hear things like:

“That’s not really what you’re feeling, is it?”
“Are you sure that happened the way you remember?”
“You’re overreacting.”

This is gaslighting—making you question your own reality. A good therapist helps you understand your experience, not dismiss it.

2. Judgmental or Shaming Language

Therapists are meant to provide a safe space, not moral commentary. If you’ve ever heard things like:

“That was a bad choice, wasn’t it?”
“You need to stop playing the victim.”
“Why would you even do that?”

…then something is wrong. Even subtle tones of superiority or criticism can be incredibly damaging when you’re in a vulnerable space.

Lack of Progress

Feeling stuck or worsening despite ongoing sessions is a critical sign.

3. Imposing Their Agenda (Especially with Goals)

Some therapists insist on setting goals in the first or second session—and might even say something like:

*”Without goals, therapy is just talking.”

This mindset may sound structured or professional, but it often reveals more about the therapist’s needs than yours.

Here’s the problem: therapy isn’t a productivity project. It’s not about ticking boxes or chasing outcomes just to “prove” something is happening. Some of the most profound healing comes from simply being heard—without pressure to change or perform.

✅Therapy should be a space of freedom,

This is especially important for people recovering from controlling or abusive relationships. When someone has been manipulated or coerced in the past, they need space to rediscover their voice, rebuild trust in themselves, and learn how to make choices again. Forcing goals or pressuring someone into a direction too soon can recreate the very dynamic they’re trying to escape—being told what to do, being made to feel wrong for not moving fast enough, or not doing it the “right” way.

Therapy should be a space of freedom, not another place where someone feels directed or controlled.

Insisting on rigid goals too early can:

Make clients feel like they have to perform or “fix” themselves.
Miss the deeper emotional work that doesn’t fit into neat categories.
Undermine the trust-building process.

Instead, goal-setting should be a mutual conversation—one that unfolds gently, with space for uncertainty, exploration, and emotional safety.

4. Financial Pressure or Control

Red flags include:

Demanding advance payments or deposits.
Charging full price for missed sessions without any flexibility.
Imposing cancellation policies that feel more like punishments.

In a healthy therapeutic relationship, your autonomy is respected. You should never feel like therapy is being used to leverage guilt, control, or dependency.

5. Overstepping or Blurring Boundaries

If your therapist starts:

Sharing too much personal information.
Using your sessions to talk about their own problems.
Making you feel responsible for their feelings or reactions…

…that’s a serious concern. Therapists are human, yes—but they’re there for you. Boundaries exist to keep the space safe and focused on your healing.

What You Can Do

Trust your gut. If something feels wrong or uncomfortable, that matters.
Keep notes. Writing down your feelings after sessions can help you spot patterns.
Talk about it. If you feel safe, bring up your concerns. A good therapist will listen, reflect, and be open to repair.
Walk away if needed. You have every right to end therapy, take a break, or find someone new.

Final Thought

Your therapy should leave you feeling empowered, not confused or ashamed. If something in your sessions feels off, it’s not your job to justify it. It’s your right to question it.

A therapists approach needs to be grounded in equality, respect, and the idea that you are the expert in your own experience. Any approach that makes you feel less than that—whether it’s through language, control, or unspoken power games—isn’t therapy worth continuing.

This content is based on my opinions from my experiences as a therapist working within the Cognizance Therapeutic Principle. It may clash with some other therapists’ opinions, especially around advance payments and setting goals. That’s okay. What matters most is finding a therapeutic relationship that feels respectful, safe, and right for you.

You deserve better. And better is out there. Your therapy should leave you feeling empowered, not confused or ashamed. If something in your sessions feels off, it’s not your job to justify it. It’s your right to question it.

The Cognizance approach is grounded in equality, respect, and the idea that you are the expert in your own experience. Any approach that makes you feel less than that—whether it’s through language, control, or unspoken power games—isn’t therapy worth continuing.

You deserve better. And better is out there.

Final Thought

Your therapy should leave you feeling empowered, not confused or ashamed. If something in your sessions feels off, it’s not your job to justify it. It’s your right to question it.

You deserve better. And better is out there.

Recognize Unhealthy Boundaries
Trust Your Intuition
Demand Clear Communication
Seek Consistency in Care
Prioritize Your Emotional Safety

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Good therapists are out there, just need to find one